In the presence of fear, and the company of truth
by Kennygirlgreen
Summary: Reveal Fic! Good-Mordred. How far will the Knights of the Round table go to save Merlin from an unknown illness, in his final moments how much will be revealed? Or are his moments really all that final? what happens when the druids start a vigil, after all, why would the druids care about Melrin? -(I suck at summerys, just give the first chapter a chance?)-
1. Chapter 1

In this Fic Mordred is not dead, he is to hot to die. And in that light of reasoning neither is Gwaine. XD

Merlin lived for moments like these, not the grand ones spent saving Arthur and the knights, or the ones spent fighting Morgana. He lived for the tiny moments, the small moments filled with Will, Freya and Balinor…..his father. He lived for the moment happening before him right now as they sat around the camp fire. Percival, Gwaine, Leon and Elyan wore their normal tunics and trousers, like Arthur, just like himself. They weren't talking about anything in particular, just being old friends. These moments, spent as equals. That's what Merlin lived for, but today was not one of those days where Merlin spent his time enjoying life, today was a day Merlin spent fighting for it. In this case, his own instead of Arthurs.

Gaius couldn't explain the illness that had befallen Merlin, as they and their Queen gathered around in the midst of Gaius's books and potion tables. Barley able to fit, as they one by one filed into Merlin's bed chambers.

Percival was the first; he knelt by the small frail man, getting ever paler by the hour and took his hand. "Merlin" he whispered, voice cracking. "I remember the first time I met you, Lancelot was beside me and you were in a ditch running. But more than anything, I remember the Dorocha, I remember carrying you to your horse, so that Lancelot could bring you back to Camelot and save you. I remember being sure it was the last time I would ever see you alive, any of us in fact. I remember that fear more than anything, it's the same fear I feel now, brother. You are braver than I, and if I could give my life now to insure yours I would. You have proven yourself more than a mere man, more than a servant, but a loyal friend. You are now, and forever will by my brother in arms. We will find who is responsible I promise you this, Merlin."

Percy bent forward and kissed Merlin's brow and stood, reigning in the fear and sadness that seemed to try and pull him under and using the anger and rage to pull him up. He will find who did this, with the help of his brothers. They will pay, in more ways than can be dealt with by blood.

Elyan came in next, after Percival exited. The gentle giant seemed frail and the anger in his eyes was clear. He knelt by the young man's side and took a knee, studying what he saw. He skin grew paler against his raven skin. His eyes were red and refused to open. "More than anything Merlin, I owe you a debt, a debt for saving my sisters life from those bandits when they made her act as Morganna. I wish I could repay that debt now, but I have no skill for healing. But I have seen a man in you Merlin that makes it his duty to protect people and to always be kind. I have seen the way you look out for Arthur; you have my vow that in your stead I shall look after him with my own life just as you have. Fear not Merlin, Arthur will remain safe." Elyan stood and bowed deeply and respectfully.

Leon entered next and stood silent for a long moment. "You've done so much, maybe not in big ways like winning wars, but you've done so much. Taking poison, curses and beatings, you've done far more asked of you than any other servant has ever been, or done. You have my greatest respects Merlin; no man could deny your honor. I wish, Merlin I regret not getting to know you better, I hope you can forgive me in my short comings." He too, bowed to Merlin in respect, allowing Gwaine to enter next.

When Gwaine entered it was clear he was drunk, though by looking at him you could tell it was with grief and not the usual over drinking of mead. He practically collapsed next to Merlin's bedside, taking his friends hand. "Merlin" he cried pressing his hand to his head. "My dear, dear friend. I cannot describe the rage I feel for whoever has done this, though I can tell they all feel the same way as I. Who could ever harm you, I will make them pay. Now amount of blood could compare to the brotherhood we have Merlin." He squeezed the man's shoulder, and stumbled from the room. Percy took the man's shoulders and guided him to a close by chair, allowing the only man around them strong enough to shed his tears.

Gwen entered next, sobbing her eyes out, the only reason she was able to make it to his bedside was because Arthur guided her. Remaining strong for his Queen.

"Merlin!" she gasped. "My closest friend, you have the kindest soul and the most forgiving heart." She kissed Merlin's hand and leaned into Arthurs embrace.

"Arthur you must do something." She pleaded looking up to her King. "You MUST SAVE HIM!" she began to sob again. Arthur could only watch her exit the room, throwing herself into Elyan's arms.

He knelt beside his manservant and grasped his hand, like those before him. "Merlin, you are the…." He looked away. How could he describe the appreciation he felt for his friend. "You've always been there, in the oddest of ways and in the most dangerous of places or situations. I don't know why you're stupid enough, or maybe I do. It's a bond we share, we're different in so many ways but we're also the same. We would go to the ends of the earth to protect a friend, and that's what I must do now Merlin. I will find the man or woman, warlock or sorcerer responsible for this. They will pay in blood Merlin, I assure you. And I know what you would say, you would tell me not to shed more blood Merlin because that's what kind of person you are. But this time I cannot listen. I take any harm to you as I would take any harm against my own flesh and blood. An act of treason that will be paid with by their life." He stood and left the room, as stoic as when he had entered.

When the king entered, he watched his knights look up and into his eyes. But his eyes went directly to Mordred.

"Mordred, tell me there's something we can do. Anything" he took his place among the Knights, speaking in hushed tones so not to disturb Gaius and Gwen as they tended to Merlin's fever.

Mordred remained silent, as if he were scared to speak.

"Mordred, Merlin's life is at stake. Now is not the time to be dancing around your druid heritage. Now, can magic save Merlin?"

The knights looked alarmed at the revelation of their young knight.

But he nodded. "Yes, there is. There is a lake; a lady resides there, in the water. She will heal him"

"But at what price?" Gwaine asked. None of the knights seemed the least bit disturbed by the idea of using magic. They were all willing to go that far.

Mordred held his tongue. "I reveal why my lord, but I know she will do it. No price will be asked."

Arthur was confused but nodded anyway. "We will take him, now." He walked into Merlin's room and quickly explained what they were going to do. Gaius and Gwen seemed relieved he chose to do this. It was becoming clearer and clearer, that where Merlin was concerned there was no black and white. There was only saving him, at whatever the cost and everyone understood that.

The men, quickly wrapped Merlin in a blanket, handing the frail man over to Percival to carry. They walked without being stopped by any guards, through the citadel and lower towns. Even the villagers were in mourning, lit candles led them through the streets. A vigil fit for a king, was now in honor of their kings beloved manservant. At the foot of the forest, just before they entered Mordred stopped them.

"Leave your swords, along with your prejudice." Mordred warned placing his sword into the soft ground. "And after this is done, remember the words you spoke to Merlin on his death bed. You will learn many things, and they won't all be pleasant."

With the druid's cryptic warning, the Knights set out on the most important journey of their life, not important because they needed to save hundreds of lives, or cure their king of an illness. Important because they had to prevent the toll it would take on their hearts, their very soul if they were too loose such a friend, such a man.

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	2. Chapter 2

This next scene was inspired by the song of Exile from the movie King Arthur, if you want to listen to it while you read (Which I suggest) just follow the link XD

watch?v=6hoyDQ3LeTU

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Any who watched the knights walk through the forest would know exactly what was going on. There were no jokes or smiles, there were no words. If they failed, they may never smile again. None of them had even realized until this point how much Merlin had meant to them, all of them. A tiny ray of untarnished joy in the world, despite his hardships and troubles he always found time to smile, found time to laugh.

Now, as Mordred led the faithful knights through the woods, they watched the ground below them, fore if they looked up they would be struck still by Merlin's appearance. His fair white skin was almost translucent, his raven hair had grown blacker in comparison and his stomach and cheeks had sunken in from lack of food, he would spit up anything that tried to make its way down his esophagus.

Elyan, Leon and Gwaine carried torches, surrounding Percival, who carried Merlin and their walking king. All the while following Mordred without question, if Merlin's life was at the cost of theirs Arthur was sure each knight would fall on their sword willingly.

The further they traveled into the woods the more they realized they were not alone; druids began to appear from the shadows, each holding a small candle. Even the children, as a silent vigil. As if they shared the grief each Knight wore plainly. Despite his confusion, Arthur decided not to question it. If the Druids were going to heal Merlin they could do whatever they wanted.

In the distance a lake appeared, the crowds of Druids grew thicker and more somber until there were so many Druids they were five or six rows thick. At the lakes edge Mordred stopped.

"Arthur must carry him into the lake" Mordred said stepping side. Wordlessly Arthur took the servant from Percival.

"What's going to happen?" Arthur asked, he'd lost to many to magic already to lose another.

"You're going to meet the Lady of the Lake, and she's going to heal him." Mordred said simply gesturing him forward. "There isn't much time Sire"

Arthur nodded and began to trudge into the water, the only sound that broke the silence. He walked until he was waist deep and stopped, not for any reason but he just felt like he was there. A light began to pool at his feet and it wasn't long until the entire lake began to glow like the time he took Gwen to the cauldron to be healed of Morganna's influence. When the light dimmed a woman stood before him, eye level. Her red dress floated in the water around them and her long brown hair was pushed back behind her ears.

"Arthur Pendragon." She said not even looking at him; she seemed to be entranced with Merlin's face. "I know what you ask of me, and I will grant it with pleasure." She said silently lifting her knuckles to his face. "But first I must know, do you love him? Do you love Merlin like you love Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival, Leon or Elyan?"

"No" he said shaking his head, meeting the sorceresses gaze head on. "The love I feel for this brother is so much stronger."

"I'm glad to hear it" she whispered touching Merlin's cheek.

His eyes flew open at her touch and he watched as Merlin smiled. "Freya" he breathed.

Arthur didn't question handing him over, the trust in Merlin's eyes paired with the obvious pain was answer enough. If Merlin trusted her, then so could he. He handed the servant over gingerly and placed him into Freya's arms. She smiled and took a step back. "My lord I must ask you to exit the lake so I can heal him."

Arthur nodded backing up from the lake, as he stepped backward he watched as several more figures appeared from the lake to tend to Merlin. Balinor, Will…..Lancelot. At the edge of the bank he and the other knights drank in the sight with thirsty eyes. They watched along with the seemingly swarm of druids as they beheld the site before them. A golden light, similar to those wielding in the eyes of sorcerers filled Merlin's body until he was nothing but light and essence.

"Mordred, Merlin has magic. Doesn't he?" Gwaine asked clearly enough for all to hear.

Mordred smiled turning to Gwaine and the knights. "Merlin, is the most powerful warlock to walk the face of the earth. His powers are limitless, there are prophecies written about him." His eyes shifted to his king. "About Arthur too." Mordred turned back to the lake, not wanting to miss a second of it. The knights stayed silent, as another figure appeared, taking the boy from the Lady, slowly he began to carry the ray of light towards the shore. Despite his illuminated features, the Knights refused to believe it was him, until they could no longer deny the wave of his hair, or the gravel of his voice. Lancelot.

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	3. Chapter 3

"Arthur" he breathed standing at the tip of the water, holding Merlin in his arms. "Merlin is weak; you must protect him for the nights to come. His enemies would seek his weakened state as an opportunity. His enemies are yours."

Arthur took the small warlock from Lancelot; he was so small in his arms.

"Arthur" Lancelot continued, drawing the Kings eyes up. "The last time we met, I was under Morganna's enchantment, that was not me that did those things, I swear." He said only loud enough for Arthur to hear. His eyes grazed over the few knights and he smiled, not a simple smile full of falsehoods and secrets. A genuine Lancelot smile, the one he held when he was first knighted and again after his second knighting.

Arthur nodded, and smiled a bit. He had always been concerned about Lancelot's last visit, after discovering Gwen was under a spell he had suspected as much from Lance.

Lance smiled at his fellow knights before turning and returning to the lake, until the water submerged him and he was gone from sight, for the last time.

Arthur followed Mordred as he led them to another clearing, already set up with tents and a roaring camp fire. "We'll stay here for tonight, and journey home tomorrow." He announced finding a log.

Arthur nodded and lay Merlin on a cot just inside a tent, securing him with a blanket before returning to his knights around the fire.

"That was, unexpected." Leon said glancing around. "Did anyone…."

"Suspect?" Elyan finished but shook his head.

"Did you always know?" Arthur asked Mordred, he nodded solemnly.

"Most Druids's can identify Merlin by just being near him, his power. It's intoxicating; a lesser man would succumb to its seduction and use it for his own gain. But Merlin, his heart is so pure that it wraps him in, light." He shook his head. "I can't describe it accurately."

"What now?" Gwaine asked leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Magic is outlawed."

"We…" Arthur couldn't answer.

"Sire, if you let Merlin explain. Give him a chance to defend himself; I know you will be happy you did." Mordred said trying to be helpful.

Arthur nodded and stabbed his blade into the soft earth beside his bedroll. "Then we will wait, and Merlin will defend himself.

Merlin was the first to wake the next morning, though he was still weak. Mordred was the second and was tasked with caring for Merlin, which was a massive honor amongst the Druids.

The knights woke slowly, one by one. Arthur was the last to rise. None would even approach Merlin in his weak state, except Mordred of course who was more than pleased to have such a duty.

While Merlin slept for a short time Percival was the first to speak. "Mordred, what would accurately describe how the Druid's see Merlin?"

"Well….." Mordred paused as he stirred their lunch over a fire. "For many it is different, more than a king, he's a savior, a hero of great prophecy. Though, Merlin told me once he wishes to be seen as no more than a man, a friend or family."

Arthur grunted in response, still flailing to grasp at the metaphorical magic straws. "Why did he serve me then? As a manservant no less, why would a man like him serve me?"

"Because it is written." Merlin's voice was raspy as he sat up slowly in his sack, he looked better than before which had been compared to a vision of death.

Mordred stood and helped Merlin to a sitting position against a fallen tree trunk next to him, the other knights sat opposite the fire.

"It's is my destiny to serve you Arthur, it always has been. It was decided hundreds of years before us and it will remain that way for hundreds of years to come. I will always, serve you and Camelot."

"What did I do for such devotion?" Arthur asked getting to his feet. "The Druid's see you as their king!"

"What have you not done?" merlin countered knowingly. "You've risked your life for your people over and over again, with no thought to their station or where they lived. Hell you risked your life for me when I was poisoned, after only knowing me for a short time. There are prophecies that say you will bring on Albion, a golden age that will last for years. Where those with magic are free and even prosper under Camelot's rule, under your rule."

"Oh, so you're loyal for something I might do?" Arthur sounded bitter. "So it was all about the end game then?"

"DON'T YOU DARE ASSUME TO KNOW MY MIND!" Merlin snapped glaring at the prince. "I didn't know about Emrys or the Once and Future king when I first met you. I saved you dozens of times because it was right. Only when I heard the legends did I decide it was what I was meant to do." He took a deep breath before he continued. "Arthur, you are my closest friend. I would have protected you no matter your decisions."

"The scary thing is I believe you." Arthur muttered getting to his feet. "We better get going if we're going to be in Camelot by night fall. I trust todays events will stay confidential?"

The knights all nodded in understanding, this situation was far to delicate for castle gossip.


	4. Chapter 4

They had been at Camelot for a week, and tonight was the first day of Merlin's full recovery. Everything was back to normal, physically. But now was not the time for that, tonight Merlin would be put on trial. Not in front of the King and the court. But in front of Arthur, and his friends. The Knights of the Round Table. They were going to give him a chance to explain, to defend himself. That's all he could ever ask for.

Mordred sat next to Merlin, one because he was the only one comfortable with Merlin's second identity and two because no one else could look him in the eyes. So maybe there was just one reason after all. As the knights stood, Gwen went from person to person and filled their goblets; she didn't pause at Merlin's side to comfort him in anyway like she has in past events. She just moved on. As hurt as he was by this non-action, he couldn't help but to accept it as infinite proof that his secrets had changed his friendships with them, all of them. It was his worst fear.

As Gwen sat next to Arthur Merlin could see her hand move under the table to grasp his, it was odd seeing from this angle. He always stood behind them during these meetings or any meaning for that matter. "Where do I begin?" he asked watching the candles cast flickering shadows across the faces of his friends. "Well, I suppose it would be easier if you would just ask questions, I can answer those a lot easier than explaining my entire existence." He ran a hand over his face.

"So you've always practiced?" Percival asked fingering the base of his goblet, staring intently as if it were a battle strategy.

"Magic? No, I'm a warlock. Warlocks are born with magic; sorcerers learn it, that's the difference. About 20% of druid's are warlocks. I moved a chair when I was nine days old."

"He's not lying" Mordred added quickly, hoping to add back to Merlin's credit by using his own. "When I came to Camelot as a child I spoke to him telepathically, only warlocks can do that."

"So, you're a warlock too?" Leon asked leaning forward. "I mean, I knew you were a druid for some time but I assumed if you were using a sword then you were one of those magic-less druids."

"No, I don't use it often. To speak with Emrys usually, during a council meeting when I have a question or to move objects when I'm fighting for an upper hand. I'm not _nearly _as advanced as Merlin."

"How advanced is he?" Arthur asked Mordred, as Merlin cowered at the question.

"Well, sire. I am to Merlin with magic, as he is to you with sword fighting."

Arthur released a long breath as the knights leaned back in their chairs, they were describing Merlin's pathetic, if not downright humiliating swordplay to Mordred's magic skills.

"Could you speak to us?" Gwaine asked with a small slur. "Telepathical…"

"Telepathically." Merlin corrected leaning forward. "I can place thoughts in your head, and if I looked hard enough I could find a way to read minds. But you would not be able to put a thought in my head or read my mind without serious spell binding, and I don't do that sort of thing." He explained

"What do you do?" Arthur asked meeting Merlin with a steely gaze. "What do you use your magic for on daily bases?"

"Chores" Merlin shot out instantly. Arthur scowled. "Do you really believe that it's possible to polish your armor, clean your cloths, scrub your boots, fix your shield and sharpen your sword before I go to bed and still get a reasonable amount of sleep every night? AND do Gaius's work? I also save your life from time to time, in fact." He leaned back and sighed. "I've saved every at this table at least a handful of times. I've also healed fatal injuries on myself and others, if I make it in time…." A twinge of bitterness filled his voice; it was easy for the knights to figure it out. Sometimes, Merlin hadn't made it on time.

"Speak in my mind." Gwaine said suddenly putting his elbows on the table.

"You want me to project my thoughts into your mind?" Merlin asked confused. "I don't think it will be too comfortable, it's like riding a bike for Mordred. Most Druid warlocks don't speak until they've mastered all nonverbal magic. Plus, you'll feel my presence inside your skull."

"It can be quite overwhelming." Mordred admitted chuckling. "No one projects like he does, it make your own thoughts seem inferior."

"He can make you do things?" Arthur said suddenly tense

"No!" Mordred cried. "No, no, no, what I mean is you feel like it's VERY important you listen to him, like a conscious. He can't change will, no one can do that."

"I wouldn't want to." Merlin added quickly. "It's wrong."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Arthur asked, it was the only question that mattered.

"At first, I didn't trust you. Not for a long time. I would see you do ten nice things for strangers, then turn around and hunt down a Druid camp or but a man on a pyre. I thought things would be different when you became king, but then Morganna, Agravaine…..all the betrayals seemed to be lining up and I didn't want to be a part of that. I kept telling myself to wait, that a time would come. But it never did."

"Did anyone know?"

He nodded. "My mother, obviously, Gaius knew. Lancelot too." That struck the knights hard, Lancelot, a topic with as many mixed emotions as Gwen's banishment had gotten. "He accepted me." Merlin added.

"I want to know everything." Arthur said taking Gwen's hand. "Everything you've used your magic for and passed off as someone else's work."

"Does this mean….you're not going to kill me?" Merlin asked slowly.

"No I'm not going to execute you" Arthur confirmed. "But, I need to know everything before I decide on what to do with you. Things are going to have to change Merlin; I don't know how I feel about magic, if I can trust what it could do to you."

Merlin smiled leaning back in his chair. "I think you do trust magic, not that you realize it. Why else would you have taken me to that lake? To some extent you know your father's teachings were wrong, I just hope I can earn your trust back. All of you" He glanced from knight to knight. "I'm willing to wait."


	5. Chapter 5

The night moved on, long and hard. Merlin discussed in some detail a handful of his trials, though it was not unnoticed some topics he pushed away from. The knights decided not to push it, this was still their friend, right? After Merlin was released he went straight to his room in the rear of Gaius's chambers, leaving the knights to simmer in their new feast of knowledge.

"Well you can't kill him" Gwaine declared finishing off his mead.

"Of course not!" Gwen cried "He would never hurt MERLIN!"

"The laws."

"SHUT UP LEON!" Gwaine interrupted. "You would kill Merlin? One of our own!?" He stood abruptly and shoved his chair back. "He SAVE OUR LIVES, HE'S _STILL _SAVING OUR LIVES!"

"It's up to Arthur." Leon said cutting him off. "Sire?"

Arthur brooded in his chair, taking the divided gaze of the knights in stride. "I will not kill Merlin, but. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I don't know enough, we will go on a hunting trip tomorrow, have your manservants prepare everything. We will settle this with Merlin away from the stone of Camelot."

The morning that followed was a fury of horse hooves and avoided stares. Merlin knew this was no normal hunting trip, though he certainly felt like prey.

They rode all day at a steady pace until they came to the same ruined castle where they had discovered during Morganna's rage, where the round table had been discovered. Inside merlin busied himself with chores until Gwaine spoke up.

"Use magic."

The knights stood awkwardly and waited, but Merlin did nothing until he was given Arthur's approval. The knights waited as Merlin's eyes flashed gold, not just yellow like the sun but a kind of gold that would put any king's treasury to shame.

A presence filled the room and the knights watched as chairs up righted themselves, broken glass put itself back together in the window, dust was gathered and disputed into nothing. A fountain on the far wall started to work again and tiny balls of light hovered over every empty candle stick and chandelier, glowing like a fresh wick despite the lack of wax. Their bags lifted themselves into the air and set onto the ground in the far corner where they would all rest and firewood floated into the fire place before roaring to life with one final wave of magic. All the while merlin stood there, almost ashamed looking at the ground with his hands in his pockets.

The knights seemed a little uncomfortable, well except for Gwaine who could make the best even out of the worst situations. He merely grinned and sat himself at the table, propping up his feet. The rest of the knights followed his example and sat in the chairs until the table was full. Wordlessly goblets floated from Merlin's bag and set themselves in front of each knight before filling themselves with water, except Gwaine, he got mead. You wouldn't have known except he grinned appreciably and held his mug up in thanks.

"Why did you come to Camelot?" Arthur asked after a moment, running his fingers through the grooved wood.

"My magic was getting out of control; it was coming out in spurts and getting more noticeable. Gaius was the only one who could help, one way or another I would have ended up in Camelot though. With the prophecy and what not" he explained.

Arthur nodded and sipped his drink. "Merlin, what do you expect me to do in this situation? I can't kill you, but it's the law, I can't banish you because, I don't want you gone. Merlin I believe you're good, in your heart there is no evil. But I don't know what to do."

"Your destiny is to bring magic back to the realm Arthur" Merlin whispered "I am here to keep you safe and help you achieve that goal."

"How can I strive to fulfill something I've only just learned about?"

"Because you know it's right, Arthur I know magic has caused you pain, it's hurt me as well. But it can also be light; it can heal the worst of wounds and rejuvenate the deadest of farm lands. It can bring rain to a drought and bring war to an end."

"It can also change the people around you, sometimes for the worst" Merlin continued in a whisper. "It can rip families apart and burn them alive, literally. People are slaughtered and cursed, monsters appear out of nowhere and immortal armies are created. It can bring the worst of pain and heartache, if used for evil."

"What do you know about pain Merlin?" Arthur snapped viciously. "My mother was murdered by magic, my father was driven mad by it, and even Morganna was taken from me."

"That was not magic's doing!" Merlin snapped, Nimueh controlled the magic used against your mother, the magic your father requested done. Keep in mind he knew it would cost someone's life, but he thought it would be a dirt poor peasant, someone he had never met. Not Igraine. Morganna was driven away because of Uthers hatred of magic, made stronger by Morgouse and all of her followers. Evil is in the hearts of man, magic is merely a weapon like any sword or lance you or any of your knights possess."

The king said nothing to the raging warlock in front of him.

"As for pain Arthur, I know plenty about it. Physical and emotional." Merlin slumped back into his chair and ran a sweaty hand through his raven hair. "Despite how much you've experienced Arthur, you were allowed to grieve, I was not. I met my father two days before he bled to death in my arms, only hours prior had he discovered he even had a son. My best friend, died saving YOU and then he took the blame for MY magic. I've had to kill sorcerers and warlocks, my KIN because they wouldn't leave you alone. I had to hold the love of my life as she died, unable to do anything about it because YOUR SPEAR WAS LODGED IN HER BODY! All these people I loved, they all had magic. Not only was I forbidden from giving them a proper funeral, I was expected not to grieve, because they had magic, and magic is supposed to be bad." With nothing else to say Merlin stood from his seat. "It's been a long day; I'm going to get some rest. I do hope you can manage dinner without me."

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	6. Chapter 6

Arthur couldn't move, despite the anger he felt he knew Merlin was right. So he let him leave. The knights shifted in their seats, obviously uncomfortable with this new information. Merlin grabbed his bag from the corner and moved to a wooden door at the other side of the room, that door would lead to a hall and another door that Merlin would make his room. To give his 'friends' the space they required.

"Sire" Mordred whispered "If I could speak."

Arthur nodded silently and Mordred stood. "Emrys did not speak of many things as he explained. He did not tell you of the time Morgana tortured him, or the countless spear and sword wounds I had to heal for him because his magic was too weak. He has shed enough blood to cover the throne room floors, walls, ceiling and all. He trusted people who wanted to use him. He lost friends and Kin, he was forced to kill despite how much pain that thought alone caused him. We all, owe Merlin a great debt. A debt that can never be filled."

"What has he done for you?" Percival asked

"He became my friend, helped me study my magic." Mordred said sitting down. "I'm not as strong as Emrys, but my magic is greater that most druids. If it hadn't been for him I would have been driven mad. And eventually, I would have killed Arthur."

"Mordred, you never would have…."

"Yes, I would have" Mordred said interrupting Gwaine. "Merlin saw it in a crystal. If I had been left to my own devices I would have been driven mad, Morgana would have brain washed me and Arthur would have died, Gwen too. He saved me from that horror, and for that I'm forever grateful."

They did not sleep that night. Instead they laid awake well into the next morning. When Merlin roused, he tended the fire while they all pretended. But he was smarter than they gave him credit for.

"I know you're all awake." Merlin said standing with clean plates. "Breakfast is in the pot, I'm going down to the river." And then he was gone.

The knights got up with guilt as they served themselves, Mordred was last.

"Why are you eating so fast?" Gwaine asked Mordred

"Because I'm going to show you something. Emrys will me angry, but it won't matter in the end."

The knights did as he did and shoved the food down their throats. Swallowing mushroom halves whole. They left their armor and followed Mordred with only their sheathed swords to the river. Mordred turned and watched their faces as they took in the scene before them. Merlin was shirtless at the water's edge, kneeling against the rocks. His back was webbed in pain from the past. Burns, cuts, whips. Some were obviously from battle, or maybe an accident; they prayed. Others were torture, the way the whips moved across his back made that clear as day. Merlin's loyalty had been questioned for days and he had never thrown this in their face. Why? Was he ashamed. Horrified.

"He does not wear them as badges." Mordred said breaking into their thoughts. "He wears them as penance. Each scar is from a battle, a battle that could have been avoided maybe. Maybe it represents a life he had to take, or one that he could not stop from being taken. He wears their faces like a cloak of shadows."

Percival was the first to move from the bushes where they hood, crossing the distance. Merlin turned in surprise and he froze, they both did. Merlin's chest was as marred as his back. A large burn covered the left side of his chest and part of his upper arm. Claw marks stood out as his stomach. Teeth marks and more. Instead of crying like he wanted to Percival pulled the small man into a hug, holding him like a precious child made to grow up to soon.

"I forgive you" he whispered into Merlin's ear. "I accept you."

**I know it's been months, but accept this short chapter as an apology XD**

**Also Reviews feed me. And im always hungry**


	7. Chapter 7

That night, things were easier for the knights. Merlin sat between Mordred and Percival, feeling at ease. It was one of those moments Merlin lived for.

"Merlin, tell us a story…a happy story." Gwaine said leaning back into the dirt, watching the stars.

Merlin laid back in the dirt, and so did the other knights. They watched the stars silently, watching in wonder as embers from the fire began to take shape and dance above him. Merlin told a story, one that was all too familiar.

About a dragon and a boy. The story told held so many truths it felt like truth itself had manifested among them. A boy, scared of his own power turned to a dragon for help. Offering his own help in return, a friendship was forged and a kinship kindled. But he was betrayed; the dragon grew bitter having to wait for the boys promise and took his anger out on the boy's mother. So the boy did everything he could to save his mother, and in the end succeeded. Knowing everything would be okay in the future, he knew that because that's where his freedom was. In the future.

The knights said nothing, knowing Merlin had just told them a great pain in his life. His mother had been threatened, where were they when Hunith had been attacked? Instead they lay there, staring at the stars and waiting for an easy answer to this solution.

Until one by one they drifted off into a restful sleep. Well except Merlin, after all; why would his luck start now?

It was hours later, in the deepest part of the night when Merlin decided he'd had enough of just lying awake. So carefully, he got up and began to walk through the forest. With his hands in his pockets and his eyes cast downward; he didn't even notice Arthur blocking his way until the young king reached out and grabbed his shoulder.

"Merlin" He said shaking his friend from the fog in his mind.

"Oh…..yes Arthur?" he mumbled blinking his eyes a few times. "What is it?"

"You look….tired" He said for lack of a better word.

"I am tired." Merlin admitted taking a step back to sit on an abnormally large stone, like the one he'd kept the sword in. "I was tired of hiding, but now that I'm out I'm tired of that too."

"Well….do you wish you hadn't?" Arthur asked quietly crossing his arms. "Do you wish I hadn't found out?"

"No….yes…..maybe…I wanted you to find out when you were ready, I wanted to tell you not have it thrown in your face like that. I wanted to have it all. Be your friend and a warlock at the same time."

"Big goals Merlin" Arthur said fondly. "You always did dream big."

"And is it Arthur?" Merlin asked meeting the gaze of his king. "Is our friendship just a dream now?"

"I don't know Merlin, I just don't know."

**To train the writer to write, you must use rewards**

**Reviews are Rewards...**

**Also, a warm soul?**


	8. Chapter 8

That night, things were easier for the knights. Merlin sat between Mordred and Percival, feeling at ease. It was one of those moments Merlin lived for.

"Merlin, tell us a story…a happy story." Gwaine said leaning back into the dirt, watching the stars.

Merlin laid back in the dirt, and so did the other knights. They watched the stars silently, watching in wonder as embers from the fire began to take shape and dance above him. Merlin told a story, one that was all too familiar. About a dragon and a boy. The story told held so many truths it felt like truth itself had manifested among them. A boy, scared of his own power turned to a dragon for help. Offering his own help in return, a friendship was forged and a kinship kindled. But he was betrayed; the dragon grew bitter having to wait for the boys promise and took his anger out on the boy's mother. So the boy did everything he could to save his mother, and in the end succeeded. Knowing everything would be okay in the future, he knew that because that's where his freedom was. In the future.

The knights said nothing, knowing Merlin had just told them a great pain in his life. His mother had been threatened, where were they when Hunith had been attacked? Instead they lay there, staring at the stars and waiting for an easy answer to this solution.

Until one by one they drifted off into a restful sleep. Well except Merlin, after all; why would his luck start now?

It wasn't until the sun had nearly begun to rise that Elyan woke. Something in him, a foreign thing. Pull him to his feet, made him forget his sword and wander into the forest. Maybe it was the song playing in the distance, or the floating lights that seemed to disappear as he came upon them. He walked until the sun peaked over the northern mountains. He walked until Merlin came into view.

He was sitting, just sitting on a rock. "Hello Elyan" Merlin greeted without looking back. "I understand your hesitance."

The knight said nothing, just sat quietly on the stone next to Merlin.

"I saved your sister, with magic. You are thankful for that but like all knights your loyalty lies first with your king. I to, have fought this battle. Do I use magic to save lives and heal, or do I follow the law and let the innocent die? Do I save sorcerers and warlocks who would wish ill on Arthur, or do I turn them in even though their actions were made through blind eyes. Closed by hate and grief?"

"Well?" Elyan whispered "How did you decide?"

Merlin smiled sadly. "I chose my path depending on the situation. Did this person really intend evil? Will they try to kill Arthur again if I release them? Will saving them do more harm than good? I did not always make the right decision. My love for Morgana blinded me from the evil she housed in her heart. I thought I could save her, change her; if I gave her enough chances. I was wrong, and thousands died. I didn't intend for that to happen, but in a way I helped Morgana kill every single one of her victims. Even Lancelot. If I had just helped her a little sooner, or told Arthur when I had the chance…."

"No Merlin, we were all blinded in our love for her." Elyan said fiercely. "If you are guilty for her killings then so am I."

"No Elyan you're not. I knew what she was doing, years ago." Merlin whispered in his own horror.

Elyan's eyes widen in shock, years?

"It wasn't until I realized she was truly gone that I accepted she had left a long time ago. Looking back, I suspect the death of your father was the turning point. She knew he was innocent yet Uther killed him. It was, hard for her to accept. Harder when she found out Uther was her father. All those years I watched her do these things, I tried to _reason _with her. I should have killed her."

Elyan could not speak for the grief his friend felt, only console him by grasping his shoulder.

"Elyan, know this. If Arthur should find me guilty. Or decide that he will burn me after all; I will not use magic to escape him. I will not use magic against anyone; I will accept my fate as every druid, sorcerer, warlock and innocent has before me. As a man, not a monster."


	9. Chapter 9

**So I realized I accidently repasted the beginning of chapter 7 onto 8, forgive me?**

* * *

When Merlin returned to the ruins of a lost kingdom, he was unsurprised to see the knights awaiting him. Gwaine and Percival smiled at him, holding no affection back. No matter what outsiders thought of their small group Merlin knew it was the meaning of family.

Elyan squeezed Merlin's back and went to join them as Arthur hesitantly made his way to Merlin's side.

"My Lord" Merlin bowed his head warily; he did not ignore Arthurs hand on the hilt of his blade.

"Merlin, I want you to get down on your knees." His words were quite meant just for the warlocks ears.

Was this a test?

Gwaine looked over noticing something was wrong, not breaking eye contact as Merlin got to his knees.

"Arthur?" Gwaine asked stepping forward.

"No" Merlin snapped holding up his hand. "Gwaine, it's alright." The cool tip of steel kissed the back of his neck, sucking away the natural heat his body held and drawing in the fall air around him. "If you kill me Arthur there is no going back, even I can't conquer death."

"But if I were to choose, if I took your head off right here Merlin."

"I would not make a move to stop you." Merlin answered before he asked. "I will take what fate you deem me worthy of in stride."

"If I throw you in the dungeon and never let you out?"

"I will grow quite lonely."

"If I banished you from the kingdom?"

"I would keep watch over you from Ealdor's border, using any means necessary at my disposal. I would have no choice."

"And if I, requested you had your magic bound?"

"….I would take my own life." Merlin whispered. "Without my magic I would be less than half a man Arthur, I would not be the friend you know now."

The weight of the blade was lifted and thrust into the ground at Arthur's feet and the king, for the first time in his life fell to his knees. The knights took their horses and gave them privacy as the quite sobs on Arthurs voice turned rough from his ache to breath. Tears splashed onto his hands and Merlin felt his own cheeks wet.

He rolled back to his heels, pleading Merlin to pull him through his shadows of doubt. To keep away the pain of betrayal a little longer so he could once more fall asleep in the peaceful bed ignorance had made for him.

"I'm sorry" Merlin whispered meeting Arthur's eyes. "I can never repay your kindness sire, thank you for sparing my life." Stars exploded across his eyes at the contact of Arthurs fist.

"YOU!...YOU! YOU CLOT POLE!" Arthur yelled grabbing the collar of Merlin's frayed shirt. "You show more humility than the entire court of Camelot and are as humble as any poor man that has earned the wealth of gold. You are a one of a kind friend Merlin that I doubt anyone in this world will ever know again. I will not deem you to any life less than I would onto a knight. You are more than a prized friend but a brother I would avenge with the same violence as I would to those who wish to harm Gwen, Gaius or any of my knights. Killing you would be the biggest mistake since banishing Gwen."

"Does this mean you forgive me?" Merlin asked grasping at the straws of hope Arthur seemed to hold before him like a cruel tease.

Arthur yanked Merlin's thin shoulders close and pulled him into a strong hug. "I forgive you." He held him at shoulders length and pulled him to his feet. "And I swear Merlin, I will hold you up in your times of darkness and strife just as you have my kingdom. I could never pay you back in gold for the services you have done for this land and I'm sure I will spend a lifetime trying."

Merlin smiled as Arthur sheathed his sword, knowing that this was the last time one of magic would kneel before knight in fear, and the first time they could stand of equals. Albion had been a hard fight, but well worth the wait.

* * *

Forgive me for taking so long, Im an awful human being I know. I'm playing with the idea of an epilogue to this thought.


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